A Eunich Perspective of Venice

So what does one do when one is in Venice? One gondolas of course! However in such an amorous city our mission was fraught with peril. 'The Librarian' and I were informed prior to our departure that under no circumstance were we to divulge in any 'romantic' gondola rides with the opposite sex. As we were caught up in the moment that is Venice we decided to show our respective lady friends who really wears the pantolonis in the relationship and in the words of Cheech Marin we said 'Fuck it!' Thus we accosted 3 young women aboard a gondola through the Venetian canals, under bridges whilst our friendly Gondoleer Mario muttered under his breath like a human version of Muttley. The wine flowed freely, I serenaded our vessel (as well as any other that passed us by) and it was beautiful. When I dropped the line 'How do you make a venetian blind? Poke him in the eye' the afternoon was complete. As we merrily disembarked from our magical boat ride I remember thinking to myself 'I will pay dearly for this when Casey sees the photos.' I hope they were worth it.

P.S. We are now castrated

Will the Real Robert Stroud Please Stand-Up

Picked up a few birds in Venice, hope Casey is ok with it. Also picked up some diseases from them too, lucky none venerial, just dissentry, the bird flu and a few ticks.

A Tribute to Chas

In the spirit of the Chaser's war on everything 'the Robber' and I pulled the biggest boneheading of them all...the boneheading of the Pontif himself. Yes we are going to hell.

Maximus

Thumb up, thumb down, thumb your nose, trap doors, Christians being fed to lions, free entertainment for the common folk, Ceaser says...lets party. Ah how good it would be to have seen the Colosseum in its full glory. Or gory.

The Pantheon

My favourite structure in all of Europe, dating all the way back to 125 AD. A clue as to the reason it is my favourite lies in its name 'Pantheon' which means 'temple of all Gods'. It was built during the Roman Empires reign as a temple to the Roman mythological gods. Since the 7th century the dam Christians got their hands on it and now it is the patron Catholic church of Rome (remembering that St Peters Basilica is in the Vatican a sovereign nation in itself). The inside is now even complete with pews, tabernacle and you guessed it its own oversized crucifix. Gotta love those Catholics. Oh and it also sports a massive circular uncovered skylight, let us pray that it rains on Sunday mass.

Footnote: I apologise to any Catholics I have offended by this entry, please understand it is no you I despise, just your religion.

When In Rome...

...drink from a fertility fountain as you are a radiographer and believe years of radiation have made your swimmers a tad retarded.

...sit on the edge and throw a coin over your left shoulder into the Trevi fountain if you would like a swift return to Rome, and make sure you do it with style.

...sip on fine italian wine while watching the world go by and pretend you are someone important.

...buy Ray Ban Aviators and a Dolce & Gabanna belt to 'fit in' with the locals.

...but most of all do as the Romans do.

...and we did.

The Day After

Hmmm...should I go see Michaelangelo's David perhaps the greatest sculpture of the human form ever and an artistic masterpiece in every way imaginable.

Fuck that, I'm way to hung over, I might just have a kip out the front of this really old church.

One Night in Florence...

Step 1. Preen and groom til one is looking how can I put this...money baby.

Step 2. Now that one is looking the money, one must get ones photograph with a beautiful Florentine backdrop...at sunset

Step 3. A short bus ride to an elegant evening of Tuscan dining atop a mountain

Step 4. Enjoy a splendid meal of gastronomical delights such as antipasto accompanied by fine wine crafted by ancient monks. The monks also crafted an after dinner apertif known as Imperiali which is 90% alcohol. Let dancing ensue...

Step 5. Another short pleasant bus ride to Florences largest discotechque. However even though aboard your mode of transport, dancing must not cease...

Step 6. Tip the friendly bar staff well as on your return to the same propriotor with each frequence to the bar their pour of spirit to mixer will grow exponentially thus ensuring a high degree of enebriation and useless dance moves

Florence, what a refined evening in one of the oldest cites in the world.

Footnote: Florentine men are oblivious to your sex when they decide to squeeze your posterior, trust me I know from experience.